i tried to compromise it all in my head

take a year in a bundle to pawn in a day
the memories shot through the fog
parsimonious living of life as a way
causes only that being the cog

yet to grasp onto nothings to never forget
must come at some ultimate price
further borne life one will never beget
when living the memories twice

...still, i reside in some degree of the latter

another fucking blizzard

i mean...why? this just blows. colorado is starting to piss me off at this point. the first blizzard was bad enough, as it lost its novelty after my third straight hour of three straight days stuck in the house, but now this? come on! the last thing that needs to happen is for half the state to shut down AGAIN, and me to be stuck at home with cabin fever once more. though at least i'm getting to mix it up a little. the first time around i was stuck in the house with my dad, brother, and sister. now it'll be my mom, stepdad, and brother. the only common variable here is my brother, but he's cool - cynical, fed up with the world, and antsy...just like me. who knows? maybe we'll end up getting into the mother of all snowball fights in the next few days. (this is just a bad idea at my dad's house, as we have a raging creek, which happens to resemble more of a violent river, right behind our house. our fun and games would likely lead to us plummeting to our untimely deaths.) i guess this whole snowstorm thing is good for me though. i always bemoan the lack of seasons out in california, so this giant dose of shit weather should suffice for the next year. perhaps i'll gain a greater appreciation for our stagnant bouts of sunshine with intermittent periods of rain. actually, it rained a lot last year, and rain is just annoying. need i go into this? i think not. on a sidenote, my mom got me an automatic umbrella for christmas. (honestly, the damn thing is still in the package so i have no idea what this whole "automatic" business is, but it sounds wicked awesome.) hey - i might just bust it out the next time a monsoon rolls through palo alto. alright, fine...i guess my school does have seasons, but they're WEAK.

i'm probably complaining so much because i'm already tired of sitting at home. lucky for me, however, my friend has a giant truck that he's going to drive over soon and take me sledding or something. i hate the lack of freedom though, and having to rely on all these other people. but i guess when you've been dealt an '88 acura legend with a failing transmission and brakes that only work about half the time, you can't be a chooser. that's right. i've been relegated to begger status.

so not to put a damper on things, but i do go back to school on the 8th of january, and every time i think about it it feels like i've gotten the wind knocked out of me. it's not that school's all that bad. it's both interesting and easy most of the time. but the monotany of my life and the awkward, obsessive compulsive kids out there grate on me constantly, and that's what i'm really not looking forward to. yet this does inspire random trips to disneyland, burbank, tahoe, and various parts of the wine country up north, so i guess my boredom has led to a little more worldliness on my part. hahahahahah. (not really.) but hey - i'll be in europe for an entire year shortly, and this is what keeps me going.

well, i feel as though i've ranted long enough, and though i've barely gotten anything out of my system, it's probably best for me to stop doing more damage to my character. i love this whole blog thing. reading over these posts, i feel like such an asshole sometimes...

(_________)

exists in the mind of the dreamer at heart
who knows not only to go
who takes sheer ambition a world apart
and never exists just to know

rediscovered through hidden treasure and note
beyond the grasp of a hand
that muses on words of letters it wrote
buried on unforeign land

riding on whirlwinds of a too distant place
the better, the farther it's grown
for only a gorgeous, spectacular case
exists in a far-fetched unknown

why most of the world can just suck it

It’s funny how most people choose to live – in the constant pursuit of trying to be “cool” and maintaining some artificial front that they seem to feel will lure others towards the lie that they’ve perpetuated since they were old enough to become aware of their sexual identities. It’s like the boisterous, eager girl sitting next to someone in class and wondering aloud, “Everyone says I look so adorable today; I don’t know why…” in her feigned naiveté. Fishing for complements under the guise of innocence; merely a lack of sophistication is all that it is. And then upon glancing back, only because she has her thick legs sprawled out, frantically kicking the seat in front of her, it’s obvious why her manner is so contrived. It’s people who overuse the newest jargon of our generation. People who talk or make pointless noises to fill silences. People who conform to a stereotype or decide on a new favorite color because they’re now “part of a group”, and suddenly, finally, have an “identity”. It’s people who shift the blame and all of their hang-ups onto others, because they haven’t the spine to buck up to their obligations, and lack a certain intelligence that comes with acknowledging their mistakes. It’s the people who propagate petty rumors in the hopes that they can continue to lie to themselves and others. Maybe the truth will rise to the surface some day, but for now, it’s really more amusing to sit back and see what people are truly capable of.