i tried to compromise it all in my head

take a year in a bundle to pawn in a day
the memories shot through the fog
parsimonious living of life as a way
causes only that being the cog

yet to grasp onto nothings to never forget
must come at some ultimate price
further borne life one will never beget
when living the memories twice

...still, i reside in some degree of the latter

another fucking blizzard

i mean...why? this just blows. colorado is starting to piss me off at this point. the first blizzard was bad enough, as it lost its novelty after my third straight hour of three straight days stuck in the house, but now this? come on! the last thing that needs to happen is for half the state to shut down AGAIN, and me to be stuck at home with cabin fever once more. though at least i'm getting to mix it up a little. the first time around i was stuck in the house with my dad, brother, and sister. now it'll be my mom, stepdad, and brother. the only common variable here is my brother, but he's cool - cynical, fed up with the world, and antsy...just like me. who knows? maybe we'll end up getting into the mother of all snowball fights in the next few days. (this is just a bad idea at my dad's house, as we have a raging creek, which happens to resemble more of a violent river, right behind our house. our fun and games would likely lead to us plummeting to our untimely deaths.) i guess this whole snowstorm thing is good for me though. i always bemoan the lack of seasons out in california, so this giant dose of shit weather should suffice for the next year. perhaps i'll gain a greater appreciation for our stagnant bouts of sunshine with intermittent periods of rain. actually, it rained a lot last year, and rain is just annoying. need i go into this? i think not. on a sidenote, my mom got me an automatic umbrella for christmas. (honestly, the damn thing is still in the package so i have no idea what this whole "automatic" business is, but it sounds wicked awesome.) hey - i might just bust it out the next time a monsoon rolls through palo alto. alright, fine...i guess my school does have seasons, but they're WEAK.

i'm probably complaining so much because i'm already tired of sitting at home. lucky for me, however, my friend has a giant truck that he's going to drive over soon and take me sledding or something. i hate the lack of freedom though, and having to rely on all these other people. but i guess when you've been dealt an '88 acura legend with a failing transmission and brakes that only work about half the time, you can't be a chooser. that's right. i've been relegated to begger status.

so not to put a damper on things, but i do go back to school on the 8th of january, and every time i think about it it feels like i've gotten the wind knocked out of me. it's not that school's all that bad. it's both interesting and easy most of the time. but the monotany of my life and the awkward, obsessive compulsive kids out there grate on me constantly, and that's what i'm really not looking forward to. yet this does inspire random trips to disneyland, burbank, tahoe, and various parts of the wine country up north, so i guess my boredom has led to a little more worldliness on my part. hahahahahah. (not really.) but hey - i'll be in europe for an entire year shortly, and this is what keeps me going.

well, i feel as though i've ranted long enough, and though i've barely gotten anything out of my system, it's probably best for me to stop doing more damage to my character. i love this whole blog thing. reading over these posts, i feel like such an asshole sometimes...

(_________)

exists in the mind of the dreamer at heart
who knows not only to go
who takes sheer ambition a world apart
and never exists just to know

rediscovered through hidden treasure and note
beyond the grasp of a hand
that muses on words of letters it wrote
buried on unforeign land

riding on whirlwinds of a too distant place
the better, the farther it's grown
for only a gorgeous, spectacular case
exists in a far-fetched unknown

why most of the world can just suck it

It’s funny how most people choose to live – in the constant pursuit of trying to be “cool” and maintaining some artificial front that they seem to feel will lure others towards the lie that they’ve perpetuated since they were old enough to become aware of their sexual identities. It’s like the boisterous, eager girl sitting next to someone in class and wondering aloud, “Everyone says I look so adorable today; I don’t know why…” in her feigned naiveté. Fishing for complements under the guise of innocence; merely a lack of sophistication is all that it is. And then upon glancing back, only because she has her thick legs sprawled out, frantically kicking the seat in front of her, it’s obvious why her manner is so contrived. It’s people who overuse the newest jargon of our generation. People who talk or make pointless noises to fill silences. People who conform to a stereotype or decide on a new favorite color because they’re now “part of a group”, and suddenly, finally, have an “identity”. It’s people who shift the blame and all of their hang-ups onto others, because they haven’t the spine to buck up to their obligations, and lack a certain intelligence that comes with acknowledging their mistakes. It’s the people who propagate petty rumors in the hopes that they can continue to lie to themselves and others. Maybe the truth will rise to the surface some day, but for now, it’s really more amusing to sit back and see what people are truly capable of.

matt's away message

"When a 60 year old man hits on your friend it makes your day
Me: im so glad old ladies arent horny like dirty old men
KW: i know!!!
Me: man that would be disturbing to have a 60 yr old hit on me
KW: i know
Me: thank god for menopause
KW: i know
Me: you're fucked they created viagra
KW: i know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: so girls have to endure humiliating episodes with old men
Me: ttyl
KW: bye
KW: i'll call you
Me: just know that you made my day very special by being you :-)
KW: fuck you matthew anthony berggren
Me: c u later katie :-)
KW: yeah, i'm running you over with the golf cart when i see you
Me: hahahaha im laughing so hard
Me: i love being friends with you so much
Me: this is just so classic, so amazing im speechless
KW: lol well anyways. i really have to get this shit done so i'll see you around 3
Me: can you wear a cheerleader costume for me so you look younger
KW: shut your face"

never a dull moment...

matt and i were supposed to take the company golf cart out for a little spin today, but the office of continuing studies had a last minute emergency, and, well...our plans were foiled!!!!! i guess we'll just have to wreak havoc another day. but it's not as though our lives lack every last ounce of excitement on this suffocating campus - i got to watch the fool pound down a 4x4 at in 'n out at one in the morning yesterday/today.

sorry this was pitiful. more on life later. maybe i'll post a picture or something.

life update...

...cuz i'm still alive. i've just been racing around at quadrillions of miles per hour, so maybe that's why i've seemed to disappear. so life has been goooooooooood. my actual life, that is. now my life away from life, (i.e. work) that's another story. i've been completely owned by my job, as i've worked closing shifts every day for about the last week. the plus side to it is that i get to minimize my time working with people; however, i'm stuck working late into the night performing ridiculously mindless tasks: folding and sizing clothes. women in this country are absolutely ridiculous. and honestly, "closing down" the store is a pretty moot point. by 11am the next morning the store looks like it's been hit by a huge, gnarly tornado. is it that hard to NOT voraciously tear clothes down from the walls and then carelessly fling them back up in your hurry to grab your next plus size pair of pants? apparently not. oh well. i changed my availability so hopefully things'll smooth over. my last day will probably be in about three weeks anyway. LIFE though. hmmm. i don't really have any big adventures to tell of at the moment, just small insignificant things that mean a lot to me. OH!!!!!!! i finally went to the pancake house and got my chocolate chip pancakes with extra whipped cream - my FAVORITE breakfast in the world. now, i'm not really a breakfast girl, per se, but those chocolate chip pancakes really do it for me. with a side of home fries of course. i need the salty after all that sweetness. other than that, though, there's nothing else i want to say.

ah...iowa.

a land defined by the rolling hills of corn and scattered pastures of cows. and although i can do just fine on my own without the sheep shearing, pig castrating, and lackadaisical drivers for 51 weeks out of the year, it was none other than IOWA that captured my heart and spirit for about the past six days or so. but now that i've finally made my way back to civilization, i can only look back with a bittersweet sense of nostalgia, anxiously anticipating my return to a hub of america's obesity epidemic and the ghetto fab youth of the eastern plains. my voyage began on a wednesday, as i stepped on board a small 28 passenger plane, where my brother and i were placed in seats in the back row and right next to the lavatory. fortunately, we entertained ourselves by sharing his headphones and dancing to the musical styles of queen and the rolling stones. we promptly corrected ourselves when we landed, however, as neither gays nor brits were acceptable any longer. (cedar rapids is for farmers, czechs, and germans.) upon arriving, we made our way to one of the state's seven burger kings - just to ease the transition. yes, sacrilege, you may think, as iowans are heavy supporters of local businesses, but we flocked with the best of them to the nearest red lobster round about suppertime. the chronology of things is a bit of a blur, but i do remember a lot of rigorous games of dominoes and cards, the subsequent taunting of my grandma - she's ruthless when it comes to mexican train - and then...the old folk. come on though. being that iowa is the florida of the midwest, it must be a pretty happening place. there's even a store of scantily clad grannies at the water park in waterloo (oh, those iowans - a witty bunch). and although i threw up in my mouth a little at the time, the sight of an 80 year old woman in a bikini is admirable in its own right. probably my favorite day, though, was when we took the boat out onto the lake and went tubing. not only did my cousin and i get our tans on, but we also got to zip by the hot cliff divers, baring almost all of it, whipping around off the back of the boat on the "exterminator" tube. it was swell. so was my sunburn. i'll spare the rest of the gory details of the trip, but all in all, i really did have an amazing time. i need to be yanked back into that alternate reality once in awhile in order to stay sane. i mean, come on. iowa has fireflies, and that's just magical in and of itself. on a side note, as callie and i lay awake talking one night in the living room, we noticed that a certain firefly was buzzing around the room, lighting up occasionally, and producing some pretty cool effects. we killed it. sadly, i left the hawkeye state this past tuesday, and although we missed our first flight by a hair (our little side trip to get some good ol' iowan pork tenderloins got a little off track) we all got to ride back first class to home sweet home.

me and tyler... 

...and me and matt 

because i'm a little all over the place -

and very tired/fed up to say the least. it's been a long night. make that weekend. it was fun though - i had a visitor and my friends tyler and matt and i took him into san francisco. but still, everything was crazy nonetheless. i don't even know what to write about anymore. the point behind starting this blog was to have some sort of place where i could get all of my thoughts out. albeit in a screwed up sort of way. i wasn't sure if i wanted anybody to read them, but at this point, it's getting harder and harder for me to write here. i feel like i don't want everybody getting inside my head. i feel like all of my attempts to be poetic or philosophical are just misconstrued as me trying to sound intellectual and failing miserably. i don't know any of you. not a single person who is reading this. most of my friends don't even know about this site. it's just a bunch of random, semi-curious people who somehow ended up here. but whatever. since i feel like writing, i'm going to bombard everyone with my random, nonsensical thoughts. i really want someone to make a movie on either led zeppelin or ac/dc, and i really want to have a starring role in it. i know i'm not a dude or a rockstar (although i'm working on the latter - rockstar, that is), but i could be the love interest or something. i'd totally be with any one of those rockstar guys. i also realized today just how hot layne staley was (alice in chains). why did he have to kill himself? i could have made him happy. well...nevermind that. i also realized recently, just how OLD my little brother is. he's always been so little to me, even though he's now 6'2"-ish - the huge motherfucker. but he's 16 now. i always took his age for granted. i remember feeling all high and mighty when i was 12, but he's always been little no matter what. well, now he's old. i did something crazy a few weeks ago that i wanted to write about, but i'm totally spacing it. weird, you would think i would remember something that's "oh, so crazy," but no. not me. oh. i think i flashed all of white plaza the other day. in fact i know i did. this needs no further explanation. i just don't want to think about it. this was awhile ago, but i was thinking recently how well i rocked a pillow case at a toga party. i don't know how, but i mangaged to pass a pillow case off as a toga. it was a very skimpy toga, but it worked. my favorite laughs in the world are the whistle-y laughs that old guys do. usually drunken sometimes bummish old guys. it makes me laugh. it just dawned on me that i like to make up new words. and as much as i hate over-exagerated sneezing, wimpy sneezes just piss me off. it's just like, come on. stop trying to be so cute. fucking sneeze, damn it. oh. i signed about twenty guys' bare asses earlier this evening. it was interesting. they gave me love letters as well. the perks of pledge quarter i guess. i’m tired of FREAKIN’ school, yo. why can’t it just be summer? i mean…why? this is just unnecessary. finally, may i just end with the fact that saxophones fuck songs over. thank you.

just to pass the time

here are some pictures from boat dance a couple weeks ago - i forgot to include the episode in my little list, so you can just see a few of our wonderful kodak moments. but yes, i am waiting for tyler the mastermind to edit my ten page research paper. i have not slept in two days. i wrote a fifteen page paper last night. we even filmed the sunrise in here last night! this is the most tired i have ever been. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. seriously, i just typed a bunch of z's. who does that? only an insanely tired person. i'm going to depart. my arms are shaking right now. (that's how tired i am.) and i just sneezed. excuse me.

boat dances are certainly not complete without some nice refreshments 

dancing the night away in stilettos and a boat that's a-rockin 

we brought the scandal to the boat, mary and i did. well not really. we're just dorks. but they loved us.  

looking very trendy - like we're about to board a boat 

a list of crazy adventures

i would elaborate but i'm insanely tired and there's too much to say. i figured i might as well get to it soon though before i forget. here you go:

i went to pasta pomodoro and found a huge mosquito eater thing in my salad - i almost ate it. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! i saw kinsey, exorcism of emily rose, and mission impossible 3 (tonight). we had our capsizing unit in sailing - "beRn" pulled a "cat-crawl" and completely flipped our boat, trapping herself under it inside the air pocket for about five minutes - i think i might expand on this later actually. we snuck into the pool to jump off the 10m high dive. i got stuck up there for a half hour while the cops circled the pool once my friends had ditched me. yeah. then matt and i got chased back by the squad car on our bikes. (we lost them.) i dressed like a prostitute - seriously - for exotic erotic, our annual playboy-ranked lingerie party. it was quite the awkward experience, but pretty fun once i was trashed enough. oh! i made my first ebay purchase. this actually took place during kinsey. and let me tell you...online bidding can be quite the adventure. woo! i mean, those final few moments...intense. we had to pause the movie whilst i focused all of my energy towards the computer screen. but i pulled through. and kicked major ass. but the dick weasels haven't sent me my ring (which is what i bought) yet! i am not too pleased with the entire thing. i may just have to be dealing out some negative feedback pretty soon here. it can be a real killer. this evening at the 750 pub i ordered a piece of chocolate mousse cake. i was quite ecstatic until i bit into it and it tasted like garlic. i thought it was my own imagination though, as my biking adventure to jack in the box earlier in the day also proved disastrous (foodwise). i therefore ate nearly the entire piece before forcing matt and tyler to try it. once they both gagged we took it up and found out that the cake had been stored in the spice refrigerator. it was terrible! i didn't get to enjoy my cake! oh, and there is a mugger on the loose. several people have been robbed at gunpoint on the street right outside my dorm over the past few weeks. i can't help but look at everybody suspiciously anymore. muggers know no one identity. they are not bounded by race, creed, gender, sexual orientation, or otherwise. you've gotta be careful out there - travel with a buddy. anyways, i'm tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired! i am. i want to sleep. but i have to get up early tomorrow :-( life is so chaotic nowadays. and matt is bothering me on instant messaging now. i am trying to write. but i have some knicknames now.

snippets of our conversation:

AAthedudeabides (3:27:12 AM): well thank you for your input
AAthedudeabides (3:27:36 AM): i mean you're the expert, after we couldnt find it i enacted plan consult kaitlin the conqueror
hotdamirok (3:27:49 AM): is that what i am now?
hotdamirok (3:27:50 AM): in the phone
AAthedudeabides (3:28:23 AM): lol no, that's not your name
AAthedudeabides (3:28:31 AM): i havent come up with one that is fitting enough
AAthedudeabides (3:34:43 AM): a few went through my head:
Kaitlin the Pirate
Kaitin the Conqueror
Blue Eyes Blue
Jaded Princess
(Wo)man in the box
and of course "Simply Mcdonalds"
hotdamirok (3:35:03 AM): haha. i like the last two
hotdamirok (3:35:23 AM): can i be simply mcdonalds?

AAthedudeabides (3:36:30 AM): can i be something cool in your phone
AAthedudeabides (3:36:34 AM): like: The Dude
hotdamirok (3:36:46 AM): you are not being the dude
AAthedudeabides (3:36:47 AM): or Matt 'this buds for u'
hotdamirok (3:36:48 AM): that's cliche
hotdamirok (3:36:51 AM): gross
AAthedudeabides (3:37:07 AM): back home im known as the dude
hotdamirok (3:37:15 AM): well sux for you then
hotdamirok (3:37:22 AM): because here in my phone
hotdamirok (3:37:23 AM): you are not
AAthedudeabides (3:37:25 AM): lol
AAthedudeabides (3:40:50 AM): can i be Matt the Mexicant
hotdamirok (3:40:58 AM): haha ok
AAthedudeabides (3:41:02 AM): sweet

so now i am simply mcdonalds. and matt is matt the mexicant. goodness gracious me!

well goodnight people of the world!

more than a feeling

So…sailing. The feeling was affirmed alright. But I was wrong about it. Quite wrong. For starters, I never thought that when I squeezed into a shitty sedan with five other people that I would have one of the nastiest experiences of my life. It was a hot day, and as luck would have it, the car windows were broken so that they wouldn’t roll down. But this kid had air conditioning. Everything was going to be okay. Or so I thought. I was even on the side, near the window, so that one of the a.c. vents hit me directly in the face. I was chatting away with some kid I had met a couple months before, when all of a sudden, I got blasted in the face with this white, dusty looking stuff. It only took one more time for this to happen, and the sight of the kid who was driving scratching his shaggy, as I would soon find out, unconditioned hair to know what was going on. Yeah. Every time this kid would touch his head (which was about once every 30 seconds, probably because it was so freakin itchy) I would get showered in a whirlwind of dead skin flakes carried over to me on the breeze of the air conditioner that was aimed directly at my head. Ugh. It’s gross even writing about this. It was literally sheets of dandruff flying directly at my face, and there was nothing I could do about it but gag, cover my nose and mouth, and sport the most horrified, scrunched up face imaginable. After all, I couldn’t ask him to roll down a window – they were BROKEN – and I couldn’t lean the other way, as there were three other people crammed in the back seat. I had to endure dandruff, stray hairs, and even a BUG for the entire twenty minute drive over. It was absolutely hellacious. I can’t help but wonder what the kid sitting next to me was thinking, when I stopped talking as soon as I figured out what was going on and started choking in my small corner of the car. Things started looking up when we arrived at the boathouse, however. I sprinted out of the car and proceeded to get ready for my encounter with the pirates. Didn’t quite happen, because I had to share a boat with a husband and wife team from the grad school. So because they were selfish pricks, I spent a majority of the time riding around in the motor boat, which was awesome. I actually had a lot more fun doing that, but for the last ten minutes of class I had to share the boat with the husband, who refused to let me till, because HE had sailed before back home in the south. I mean, why the fuck are you even taking the class if you’re such an expert? He was one of those know-it-all bastards who felt the need to coach me throughout the entire process. A typical conversation between me and Mr. America consisted of:

“Hey! Am I makin’ ya nervous?! Heh heh!” (while turning the boat up onto its side)
“Haha, a little bit.”
“Oh! Haha! I’ll go a little easier! Haha!”
“Haha. Okay!” (despite the fact that it’s not even fun if you don’t run the risk of capsizing the motherfucker. come on, I needed some excitement after all I was allowed to do was pull on two ropes.)

2 minutes later

“Oh! Aha ha! Am I making you nervous again?!” (again putting the boat on its side)
“Just a little.”
“Oh! Well, you see, I won’t let us fall in. I don’t want to get wet. HA HA!!!”

And the result of all of this tomfoolery was that I got absolutely drenched in nasty salt water, something which has never happened with my fellow beginners. But somehow this bigshot managed to do it. That, AND he steered me away from the pirates. (He knows we would have made him walk the plank.)

And the irony of all of this, is that I had to bum a ride back to school with him because I refused to step foot in the car with the nasty scalp kid again.

my mind's a-racin'! (that sounded idiotic)

first of all, pi phi pacific was a ton of fun. that’s where all of these pictures are from, and i posted a few more below of me and my date :-) second of all, i can sink nine cups in beirut, and if i follow your "sink", i’ll get it into your cup as well. third, i’ve been having really bizarre dreams lately. following closely, however, is the fact that i can’t sleep because i have possibly the worst cough imaginable and it’s keeping me up ALL night. (with random little dream breaks.) maybe it’s this nasty combination that’s giving me horrible headaches and preventing me from distinguishing reality from dreamland. 5th, happy cinco de mayo!!! also, i had to wash my bicycle yesterday because it’s become infested with spiders and caterpillars (those mangy little bastards are turning into goddamn moths now), and that will just not do. i even had a spider egg sack on my tire and i was terrified that it would hatch and all the little spiders would come and attack me. THEN, when matt was hosing off my bike, cuz i was scared (but I helped a little), he found another one under my bike seat. this is just too much for me to handle!!! and then we have the huge mosquito hawks flying everywhere. i know they’re supposed to be the good guys of the bug world, but they’re just so disgusting. and they’re absolutely everywhere. i couldn’t do my homework the other night because there was one flying around my head and i kept on having to get up and move. and if you’ve heard random shrieks from the girl’s bathroom, that’s probably me too. they like to hide out in there and then they make a run (or a fly) at you when you’re brushing your teeth! and speaking of bikes, i need to take mine into the repair shop because it's being a little bitch and the brakes are always partially pushed in, so i have to pedal four times as hard. so be prepared, because when i do, and you see me speed demoning by, you can rest assured that the streets will once again be unsafe. finally, i found out last week that i have a crooked pinky! well, it’s not really crooked, it just kind of bends in a weird way when i curl my fingers. i discovered this during a guitar lesson, when i had a particularly difficult time reaching the 15th fret. the world isn’t fair. fortunately, i cope, and i found a different way to position my hand. or rather, it was my tEaCh that did! anywayssssssssssssssssss i have revealing picnic right now (oooooh, sounds scandalous, no? well, no actually. but i get to find out who my BIG is!!!!!) i’m excited. and then i have SAILING!!! i have a feeling about today. i’m not quite sure what that feeling is, but i’ll let you know about it later. perhaps it could signify me crashing the boat again, OR…….sailing off into the sunset and joining a band of pirates. i’m convinced it’s the latter. so AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! here’s my final farewell maties: farewell :-D

me and dominic. 

haha, i look so evil in this picture. 

me and mykella whom i love so dearly. 

you can't have this...you just can't! 

me and mary sunshine. notice the foot pop? (if it were'nt for my gigantic feet, it might actually look cute) 

me and my gUrL jen looking mighty fine, considering that the night has most definitely worn on us. 

smooth sailing

yeah. right. not only did we come close to capsizing our boat about twenty times, leading to the collection of a huge puddle of water that we had to sit in for an hour and a half, but i also got hit in the head with the motherfucking boom countless times as well. it was a ton of fun though. we laughed the entire time we were banging our knees and lacerating our hands with the ropes. i also ran into the side of another boat when it was my turn to till. (i think that means steer – i haven’t quite gotten the sailing lingo down yet. i’m working on it.) it was pretty intense. i think i may have gotten whiplash from sailing today. i've also got a ton of knarly bruises to accompany the badass one on my shin from the barricade. remember that? the boats are getting out of control…we’re now sailing with the main sails, whereas before we just worked with the jibs (the smaller ones), so now they’re moving insanely fast. so is my life nowadays. i had to race back and get to the “poetrython” in white plaza and read a bunch of stuff i had written. it was so nerve-racking!!! i was so scared, especially since i felt like such a dumbass reading a bunch of poetry i wrote three years ago. i had decided that everything that was more recent was a little too close to home, so i read all my cutesy little girl stuff. i felt like a sadistic dr. seuss, as my poems were all awkwardly depressing. i was in a huge rush to pick stuff out though, so i didn’t realize it when i grabbed all my stuff. i had to read for twenty minutes too – it was hard!!! oh, and “white trash bowling” last night…amazing. i rocked the beer, the music, and the axl look. i even had his michelle tattoo. (i’m guessing that’s who it is…?) apparently i listen to white trash music too because i knew every song that came on. we partied at sigma chi and then went over to the bowling alley with them, so now i’m “ms. hardcore” because i kicked ass in triathlon, or just played too much, and then rocked out to the music. even more awkward is that i’m probably the shyest girl in pi phi, but stick me in my element (which is apparently quite trashy) and i’m down.

addenum

i just found out that the crowbar things are called billy sticks. just thought i'd share...the more you know.

kid being arrested. when: 4:00 in the afternoon; why: protesting george bush; how: dragged across the pavement and tackled by two armed policemen; where: stanford university, united states of america...

kid being dragged across pavement 

my new friend - we grew quite close throughout the afternoon 

this is what democracy looks like 

more policemen called in for back up 

bush protest 

hi!

i'm a bit bored right now, and kind of at a loss for what to do...so i thought i'd write to you! you're probably having a lot of fun and doing something exciting, and when you're bored, you'll stumble across this. i feel kind of stupid, addressing you like this, so i'm going to stop. goodbye.

anyways...(wow i'm a loser) i just got back from the san francisco museum of modern art. i have a lot of thoughts surrounding the whole experience, but i'll hold back, because that would take way too long. i really do love modern art - i actually went with the modern art class that i'm taking. the day was marked by a quite nostalgic feel, because a lot of the pieces were borrowed by the tate modern a few years back, and i got to see them when i went to london a couple summers ago. actually, it was when i went to the tate that i really became intrigued by modern/abstract art, so the sf moma brought back a lot of the excitement from before. aside from the tour guide bugging the shit out of me, however, i had a wonderful time. it's really interesting, because i've been reading a lot of art reviews and essays lately, and we even touched upon the subject today, but art really does affect people. not really to the same extent today (or maybe just not through the same mediums); but especially at the turn of the century when new art forms and methods were coming into play, people really became outraged and threatened by a lot of what they saw. certain exhibitions were cancelled, various works were censored, etc. there was even one guy who brought a urinal to display in his own art show and the whole show was called off because the very act of him producing it was bombastic to the public eye. i can't help but think that perhaps just a small part of him was trying to be a smartass, but that's just my hopeful and immature mind wandering. it's funny though, because it shocked people when someone came forth and broke the mold. funnier still, is that "breaking the mold" was painting in unbounded colors and forms. think about it - people were so much more innocent back then! i've had a hard time drawing the line in my mind, though, between innocense, ignorance, and conformity. there's a part of me that wants to be innocent. i want to be shocked by a toilet! it's neat that it didn't used to take all that much. i think i would have liked living back then because i love being shocked so much. then again, maybe not so much shocked, as surprised. surprises are the best. yet i don't ever want to be ignorant or a conformist. but now stuff like that is commonplace, and just think how much more it now takes. perhaps snuff films and child porn are our modern day toilets. okay, that was extreme, and i don't mean to be crass, but i hope it's clear what i'm trying to say. i don't want to talk about this anymore.

i had something else i wanted to say but i forgot what it was. so.......i'll tell you about my mad guitar playing skills. (nathan - if you are reading this, please feel free to vouch for me ;-) i now know parts of TWO iron maiden songs (aces high and phantom of the opera), and i pretty much kick some harmonious ass. (because there's a lot of harmony in them and it sounds wicked awesome.) you'll just have to hear one of these days. i missed my lesson yesterday though because i was at a protest. good ol' georgy w decided to visit our campus to consult some of our economic advisors so our central campus was shut down. it was pretty intense though. they had the entire santa clara police force dressed in riot gear, swat team members all over the place, and snipers on the roofs, among other things. there were a bunch of helicopters flying overhead as well - i'm guessing one of them was marine one. there were people gathered all around where he was supposed to meet, which logically would have covered all possible routes into the building, yet needless to say, no one saw him. apparently there's a secret entrance into hoover tower though, which is where he supposedly had his meeting, so perhaps he went in that way. or maybe he went through the steam tunnels! hell, if i were president, that's the way i'd do it! it was scary, though - all the police were in a line with their huge samurai-looking sword crowbar things (i don't know what they're called). when we refused to get out of the street though, they shoved us back yelling, "MOVE BACK! MOVE BACK!" i was in the front, so i got to get shoved with one of the crowbars. it was pretty awesome - highlight of my day. i was really hoping to get arrested - seriously, that would have been an awesome story! three kids did, too, for refusing to move out of the way from some firetruck so they got dragged across the pavement kicking and struggling, strapped into some sort of plastic handcuff device, and driven away. the whole thing went quite overboard. then another line of police came in with teargass, paintball guns, and sandbag guns. not gonna lie...i was REALLY hoping for the teargass. that would have made this story so much better. i did get hit with a metal barricade though! again, i was in the front, so i got in on the action, but one of the guys put it up and nailed me in the shin. it was so sad though - he was so serious until that happened, and then he was very quick to say "i'm sorry!" in a really genuine tone. he was an old guy too so i felt bad. lol. anyways, i have pictures from my phone that i can post, but i had someone take some actual photos, including some of me with the crowbar guys, so hopefully he'll send them and you can see those.

anyways, my hands and eyes are tired, and i really want to go do something fun, so i've gotta go. but thanks for reading this far! i tend to ramble.

kaitlin's flip flop fund

due to the recent loss of my brand new black flip flops, i am starting a flip flop fund. yes, as pathetic as this may sound, indeed, it is a flip flop fund. you see, round about last summer...oh, say june...julyish?...my wonderful pair of black flip flops we're unexpectedly devoured by a dog. this posed a huge problem for me, as i wore my beloved black flip flops everywhere. they went with everything - swimsuits, dresses, a nice pair of slacks. hence, in my dutiful effort to rectify this great devastation, i searched the stores far and wide, scourging the racks for a brand new pair. but no. did i find those flip flops i so desparately needed? i think not. as the year progressed, the weather grew colder, and i began to don warmer shoes. the flip flops were pushed to the back of my mind for the time being. but as spring approached, they once again made their way to the forefront of my concerns, and my tireless efforts yielded a nice, shiny pair of reefs at a quaint little store in a local new york shopping mall. but lo and behold, as fate would have it, i happened to lose this pair of flip flops in the commotion that was unofficial bid night, not four weeks after i had purchased my lovely pair of thongs. shocking, i know. so why not simply venture out into the fully-equipped, california board shops and grab me another brand new pair? i'll tell you why not! you see, as of a few days ago, i am literally broke. people. read: LITERALLY BROKE. thus, in one last feeble attempt to make it through the year without having to be a multi-colored flip flop clad hussy (for that is all i have as of now), i am starting a special fund. a charity, so to speak, to raise the money that i need to buy some new shoes. if any of you would be so kind as to send $1 - that's right! ONE DOLLAR - to the following address, i would be most grateful. seriously, it only takes a dollar on your part, and it will make a world of difference to me:

PO Box 14751
Stanford, CA 94309

and if nothing else, wouldn't it be just loads of fun to participate in my little thought experiment? come on people, i constantly prostrate myself in front of you each time you visit this page. is one dollar (4 quarters!) so much to ask? i trust you'll do the right thing.

regards,
kaitlin

yOu CaN rEaD mY jOuRNaL!!! tEe-HeE!

Wow. I can’t believe I’m finally in New York. The plane ride was only a little horrible – I thought I had overcome all of my air sickness earlier on, but the turbulence was a bit much for me at times. Nothing I couldn’t handle though. I amused myself with the shitty in flight network, which really wasn’t shitty at all considering it was a PLANE, or even shitty in comparison because I really haven’t watched t.v. at all for the past 12 weeks. But I like to call it shitty. I tried watching The X-Files and Popeye the Sailor Man, but then had to settle for some relaxing computer games. Including Space Cadet Pinball, serenaded by The Who’s Pinball Wizard. I’m sure Tyler’s probably thinking I’m a freak. The guy sitting on the other side of me was a bit crazy as well. He had some ipod he was listening to for the duration of the flight – I was shocked at the fact that the batteries lasted the whole time, especially considering mine (but not really mine) loses a charge after two seconds. I think I broke it. It’s kind of my style. Anyways, he must have been listening to some porn soundtrack or something, because every time I would glance slightly in his direction, perhaps to look out the WINDOW or something along those lines, he would swiftly, but very sneakily, tilt the ipod away from me so that I couldn’t read what it was that he was listening to. There was also another strange man on our flight, who I didn’t see on the plane, but who I had the pleasure of observing in his every day interactions with the workers in the airport bagel shop. He was very distraught that he did not get the right amount of pastrami, or something along those lines, on his bagel, and spent a very long, loud time complaining about it. I think he even attracted a crowd. I had almost forgotten about him on the five and a half hour flight out when we met again at the baggage claim at JFK. People these days! What are ya gonna do with ‘em?! Ahahaha. Hahaha. Haha. Ha…

Oh…ANNNNNNNNND…I added a slideshow to my "putfile" account! PACE, brothas.

p.s. we ended up seeing the pastrami guy in times square. weird…

why i'm ticked off:

AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! i'm so angry right now! the people here are kleptomaniacs. i'm already missing a pair of pants, three shirts, and 27 pairs of underwear. okay, not really the underwear, but who knows? some of it could be gone - who keeps track of that stuff? and coincidentally, they were my favorite pair of pants - they were white and pink :-) - and three of my favorite shirts. literally. this is not just me being pissed off. so if you are reading this and it was you who stole my stuff, you are an asshole. go steal from somebody else. and i hope you get soriasis. haha - i just think that's a funny word. but on a serious note, you really do deserve it - an extremely horrible case of it. well...goodbye.

this makes my day...

"Youth minister smites dodgeball opponent" (courtesy of CNN)

LIBERTY, Missouri (AP) -- A youth minister was charged with assault for allegedly knocking down a 16-year-old boy and kicking him in the groin after taking a head shot from the teen in a dodgeball game.

David M. Boudreaux, 27, was charged Wednesday with one count of third-degree assault. According to court documents, the incident happened in February at Crescent Lake Christian Academy.

Authorities said the teen missed Boudreaux with one throw but then knocked the youth minister's glasses off with the next.

The boy apologized, authorities said, but Boudreaux pushed him backward, and when the teen got up again Boudreaux kicked him in the groin and left.

The teen suffered whiplash and post-concussion syndrome and had blood in his urine after being kicked, according to court records.

Boudreaux later apologized, prosecutors said.

Jeanne D. Hewitt, administrator of Crescent Lake Christian Academy, said Boudreaux had been placed on administrative leave.

i remember it

lost and confused
my wings are broken
i don't even know how to fly
a worn out feather
will serve as a token
to tears i cannot spare to cry

grounded again
my mind is aloft
my solitude causes this pain
i long to be high
where fears here are soft
for down here i'm caught in the rain

pondering now
my heart seeks reprieves
from troubles that branched out from mine
i grasp to let go
of lost make-believes
and stars that lost sparkle and shine

C.2004

hi again :-D

Now that I’ve had a whole day to cool off, I think I’ll be able to write with some better perspective. (God, I even called myself a “sod”.) I’m feeling very over the top right now, but it’s probably because I’ve had some sort of blogging withdrawal, which really is quite sad, and this is one of the last times I’ll have so much free time on my hands. So deal, yo. Hence, in an attempt to bring this back down to earth, and to redeem myself, I’ll talk instead about what I did today. But who am I kidding, to think that I need redeeming? I mean, c’mon, I’ll probably just end up getting pissed off again or find something hilariously pathetic to make fun of later on anyway. But that is just the nature of me, Kaitlin, so fuck off or read on.

The day began with me waking up and wandering the halls of my empty dorm. Then, to my great joy, I found someone to drive me to In-N-Out where I proceeded to get sickly full of all of that wonderful fast food. It had been way too long. I also made my way over to a track meet and a baseball game. I almost broke down at the track meet, as I stood there, feeling all nostalgic, and pining away for all of the wonderful memories of getting my ass kicked (and touched) throughout the wonderful track practices of yesteryear. But seriously, I really do miss it. I was totally reminded of the crowd, the yelling, the gun, the butterflies, the asphyxiation…and I yearned for it more than ever. Truly, track was my chance to shine. It was my high school claim to fame. I was the track star for sprinting and jumping and shit. And I bet you never knew that. My coach hated me though. I ditched so many practices over the years, particularly throughout my senior year. (Excuses ranged from family deaths to traumatic car accidents.) Despite all of this though, I really did love it, and I want to start running again. I talked to some people, and I found out that I could be a walk on, but my broken leg really set me back. I’m thinking typical. And I’d just like to interject into my little monologue right now and say that I’m listening to The Doors right now, and I really really really want to hear Peace Frog, but I don’t have the bloody song. So I’m pissed. So now I’m listening to Ordinary World. (Think Duran Duran, and suck it hard.) Where was I…I miss the past. I miss the seconds in my life that slipped by while I was dicking around and hating the moment because I was being pushed beyond my limits. But that’s not going to happen anymore. So the baseball game – I froze my ass off. And that’s pretty much all I remember.

Then I saw V for Vendetta for the second time. I have now seen it on two opposite sides of the country. That’s so cool! It was still good. The movie really had it all – a nice dosage of action, a philosophical outlook, the comedic relief, and even a chance for each guy to get his required hard-on when good ol’ Natalie kissed a plastic mask. Damn. Was that hot. I loved the indictment too. You see, High Chancellor Sutler, the extremely religious, conservative prick (ahem…throat clearing…furious coughing – please rest assured that that is the first time I have described a noise that way) and his main advisor, the henchmanish asshole nazi bastard Creedy (rhymes with greedy, eh? Eh?) showed ME the consequences of giving in to the man, and not letting my voice rise above and be heard. Funny thing is, a majority of this country can’t see the beautiful satire that lies within a beautiful action movie filled with beautiful roundhouse kicks and headbutting. No wonder, everyone liked it! Now we’re all friends! And maybe the movie is the reason for my calling myself a sod. You see, the movie was entirely in English accents. (Imagine that!) Except for Natalie Portman, whose linguistic coach made her sound strikingly similar to an Australian stripper (criminals). It was all there though. I felt it. I was even drawn back to stories of my Papa’s British military days where he said things like “diZgusting” (Creedy), and “orrible” (not from the movie, but British military guys rarely pronounce their h’s apparently.) Bollocks!

hey! a leprechaun!

St. Patrick’s Day was festive – I made my contribution by hanging out with a specific O’Connor. And who would that specifically be, you ask? Justice Sandra Day O’Connor! That’s right people! I got my Irish groove on. And the best part about meeting such an elegant lady was impressing her with my own classy getup…none other than my pj pants and alice in chains shirt :-) But that’s okay. Me and Sandra – we understand each other. We just chilled in the office, knocked a few back in honor of the holiday (it's only right to stop and take a moment to appreciate the meaning of the day), and ate snickerdoodles. And by golly, they were good! Her three manfriends from the secret service weren’t so bad either. My new buddy – Carl - is a whopping 7 feet tall and happens to have a knack for Sudoku. The three of them also found my desk quite comfy, so we all got to know each other pretty well as I made the move to another cubicle in the office. I’m thinking my civic duty has been fulfilled for about the next five years.

Other than that, I tried to avoid corned beef and cabbage at all costs, and satiated my holiday cravings with a nice jr. bacon cheeseburger and the new “number 9 combo”, complete with 10 chicken nuggets and fries, from wendy’s. I mean, c’mon, wendy’s got the red hair and freckles thing goin on – she’s irish, right? It’s that dave guy that makes me question the authenticity of it all...